Monthly Archives: October 2013

Pain of our Past – Changing my Perspective…

So there is this great quote in Chapt 4 … “God wants us to ask hard questions and look for answers that usher us into the depths of His redeeming love.” He wants us to ask those questions… He loves us so much that He wants to make sure that we come to him in every situation; you can’t do that unless you DO ask the hard questions. You have to actually ask them though it is different than just accepting blindly that every thing happens for a reason. I do believe that everything has a reason. But sometimes the reason is just to get you to ask. To bring you in so close to that when you lean your head on to His chest you can feel His breath on the top of your head. He wants you that close. To touch, to feel, to match your breathing with His. He loves you… and there is nothing you can do about anything else in the world. Everything is out of control, so hold Him like your life depends on it cause it does. And that gets you to the point where you realize that ” He offers hope for our future despite the pain of our past.” Every time I think about God forgiving our past I think of the sins we have committed. Well for me the problem came in that I was the “goody two shoes”. Not only did I “do” all the right things but I actually WANTED to do the right things. But I was still miserable. I obviously wasn’t perfect and still don’t know why I was miserable but I think a lot of it I was so concentrated on “doing” and not “being”. But then again there is no way to really figure out exactly anything where God is concerned. But it scares me going forward because what if being “all in” looks like it did in the past. Don’t know that I could do it. So I am stuck KNOWING that God has all the answers and Loves me desperately and wants me to be close to Him, but now I am so scared. It was here that I realized that when God forgives us of our sin it isn’t always the obvious sins of lying or sleeping around or killing people or swearing… all those “normal” sins that I held myself so high for not committing. But the sin of not trusting God, not believing in His promises; are also included.


Coolness Level : Black Belt!


Ok so maybe my black belt isn’t so cool .. But it does something that no other will… Hold my hip together. It’s weird but it’s true!!  It pulls my hip back towards the pelvic bone but only if it is in exactly the right spot. And yes I can tell when it isn’t…I am tired of pain. But I do have to admit that my black belt is better than your black belt!!!

Hope and Disappointment

This week’s verse, Is 43:23, is posing problems for me.

I worked in Christian Ministry for 15 plus years. 10 as full time. I find it very hard to swallow this verse; especially the end “Those who hope in me will not be disappointed” IS 49:23 For 10 years I chased after God and “did” everything that I felt I was supposed to do. Bible study, christian accountability, I preached, sung on the worship team and gave freely of my money and time. And I still felt disappointed in the hope that I had in God.
The only thing I have ever really wanted in my life was to be married. And it seems like it is the one thing God does not want me to have. Unfortunately there is no pat answer that will make me feel better or assure me that I will be able to have a husband someday.
2 years ago I met this amazing man and we dated for two years. I felt like God had finally brought me my hearts desire.
And then my boyfriend broke up with me. I am so scared to seek hard after God because I feel like he will ask me to be single for the rest of my life.
I did run across this verse “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as I trust in Him” Rom 15:13. I don’t know that I can trust God again.

Whatever it takes…


Have you ever said you would do “whatever it takes” to get through somethjng? I do a lot. Generally it isn’t that hard it is just a small inconvenience. But in February of this year I promised myself that I would do whatever it takes to get in shape. So far I have spent my out of pocket max for my insurance of $1200. I have been to the doctor about 50 times and in the hospital 3 times. And I am not done yet, I am still going to the doctor 3times a week (yesterday it was 4 appointments in one day). There is a strong chance I am going to have surgery at some point and I am on a ton of medications. I don’t think that this was what I fleas thinking when I said the word whatever. If you are out there and want to lose weight don’t give up!!! We have to do extraordinary things if we want extraordinary changes…well I am off to see the doc and do my workout!!!

Excited Newbie!!!

First ever OBS I am very excited. My name is Freedom (yes, it’s my real name and no my parents weren’t hippies) I am single (never married) and don’t have kids. I live in Colorado (LOVE mountains). I lived my whole life all I ever wanted was to be a house wife and homeschool my children. At 38 I see those dreams as a reality that will never happen. I constantly question if God loves me so much then why don’t I ever get my dream.  My goal for this study is to feel God’s love.

I mean really feel, not just know.

Goal Board

I started a goal board  I decided it helps for me to see where I am going…ny main goal is at the bottom…. Become a bad ass…the upper right corner is my priority list the bottom right…I how many day since my last hospital stay… I am going to do this the thing that makes me so sure that after years of trying (about 13) I am going to make it this time. Support!!! I have someone every day checking on me..ya know spread out the love!!


Pot Belly

So you know how our body gets rid of the fat in the extremities first??? my legs are like toothpicks… I’m gonna fall over I swear! but my belly?? Just as big as it ever was. Feels like I haven’t lost anything but I am down 25 pounds. Let’s get that belly down!!