Pain of our Past – Changing my Perspective…

So there is this great quote in Chapt 4 … “God wants us to ask hard questions and look for answers that usher us into the depths of His redeeming love.” He wants us to ask those questions… He loves us so much that He wants to make sure that we come to him in every situation; you can’t do that unless you DO ask the hard questions. You have to actually ask them though it is different than just accepting blindly that every thing happens for a reason. I do believe that everything has a reason. But sometimes the reason is just to get you to ask. To bring you in so close to that when you lean your head on to His chest you can feel His breath on the top of your head. He wants you that close. To touch, to feel, to match your breathing with His. He loves you… and there is nothing you can do about anything else in the world. Everything is out of control, so hold Him like your life depends on it cause it does. And that gets you to the point where you realize that ” He offers hope for our future despite the pain of our past.” Every time I think about God forgiving our past I think of the sins we have committed. Well for me the problem came in that I was the “goody two shoes”. Not only did I “do” all the right things but I actually WANTED to do the right things. But I was still miserable. I obviously wasn’t perfect and still don’t know why I was miserable but I think a lot of it I was so concentrated on “doing” and not “being”. But then again there is no way to really figure out exactly anything where God is concerned. But it scares me going forward because what if being “all in” looks like it did in the past. Don’t know that I could do it. So I am stuck KNOWING that God has all the answers and Loves me desperately and wants me to be close to Him, but now I am so scared. It was here that I realized that when God forgives us of our sin it isn’t always the obvious sins of lying or sleeping around or killing people or swearing… all those “normal” sins that I held myself so high for not committing. But the sin of not trusting God, not believing in His promises; are also included.

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