Seeking out Joy

I woke up yesterday paralyzed. I cried (you know that heartbreaking out loud/ screaming crying) yea that kind. In pain, tried (after 14 hrs of sleep), and frustrated. I couldn’t stop it lasted 5 hrs. I finally broke down and called mom settled me down some but I still felt alone. I have been reading book after book; blog after blog, trying to know how to get better how to seek God better. Where do you find this joy this full life that the scriptures talk about. HOW??? I am looking for Joy. I have tons of people praying for me and loads of people know my fear, my pain I have shared I have reached out but I am still seeking out Joy. in the midst of fear (how do I buy food? How do I buy medicine?) in the midst of pain (I can’t do anything but lie down) Christmas is coming and I have nothing to offer, no presents no food nothing…

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