So I had a surprise root canal yesterday not a great day for me, although I did get out of work. I had to go back a second time yesterday because my temporary crown (ie tooth) broke. I got it replaced and the second one is stronger however it won’t stay in place. So today I stopped at Walgreens and got, wait for it…….fixodent. yes I really feel old now. I need a hip replacement and I am buying fixodent gah!!!!
I am in a waiting state now. The big rush is over I am in a time where life just is. Nothing new to report . I feel like I have already hit my place of life where this has become the normal way to eat and live. I now know when to get to the gym and how much to eat. It is a surreal place. I am not anywhere near my goal weight but I am down almost 40 pounds. It doesn’t seem real. I am two pant sizes down and look a whole lot better but I am still big and still have a ways to go. I know I just have to keep up to good fight and keep going even though I am ready to be at a point where I say I am done and can stop this diet. But it’s not a diet and this is going on for the rest of my life. Much harder than I envisioned. So I take each day just as a day and don’t think about the rest of my life just the next meal which is in a few hours and going to be very small!!
I don’t know what it is but 30 was a milestone for me. I think the thought of all that I have to lose is too much and so it has to be broken up into small (bite size if you will) pieces; and 30 was the first bite.
Next goal….45 and I want to hit it before the month is out. which means… I need to keep to the better foods (PROTEIN first) eating the smaller portions are easy I just can’t fit the food I used to 🙂 but it is real easy to have something “good” but not “good for me”. I think this is where I am getting into trouble. Now don’t get me wrong I am still losing 3 pounds a week and that is pretty good. I do think I could do better and am hoping for it!
So they want you workingout as much as possible. My gym is only open Monday thru Friday so I try to make it every day. My choice recumbent bike (the kind you look like you are sitting in a chair) such a great choice! I can even read a book while I bike. I have also started pulling in weights this week. The dedication I need blows me away. It is hard getting out there so much but I need to remember it will be worth it and maybe someday I will love it!
So they told me between weeks 3 – 6 my weight loss would stall… and here it is… It blows chunks!!! I think this is the part where people start to think “why the h-e-double hockey sticks did I do this???” I am eating nothing but protein and at that only 4 oz and I am losing NOTHING it’s not fair!!!!! (That was my two year old whiny voice right there!)
food is about the same
– chicken salad (with avocado because who just wants canned chicken and mayo??)
– pudding (because I can)
– black beans and ground beef (with a little cheese melted on it)
– Refried beans
– greek yogurt
Glad I don’t really get bored of food…. ok I get a little bored but what’s a girl to do, I don’t want to work at it 😉
I am drinking lots of water and working out (shooting for 5 times a week!)
A year ago I started a journey. I wanted to get in shape. I never had a number in mind I just wanted to be better. This past year has been a challenge but I have consistently worked out for a year that alone is a miracle and fills me with joy. I never really considered myself a gym rat…guess I proved myself wrong.
Well after a tough year of working out and eating better (ie not eating out) I lost about 20 pounds….again that is 20 pounds…that’s it?!?!?!?! All my hard work felt like it wasn’t worth it but I have kept on.
In this year I have lost the man I thought I was going to marry, moved into a small space making me get rid of about half of my possessions (like I needed that crap), and of course created my biggest injury that I have had yet.
Now I have spent a lot of my life in pain so I can’t say that I am surprised that I have another injury. So here I sit (cause standing hurts) needing a hip replacement. A freaking hip replacement before 40!!!! And for salt in the wound …I have to lose (at this point) 60 pounds before they will perform it. So this new adventure?….. I am going in for weight loss surgery, never thought I would ever do this but I am at my wits end. I am freaked out but here I go…
Ok so maybe my black belt isn’t so cool .. But it does something that no other will… Hold my hip together. It’s weird but it’s true!! It pulls my hip back towards the pelvic bone but only if it is in exactly the right spot. And yes I can tell when it isn’t…I am tired of pain. But I do have to admit that my black belt is better than your black belt!!!
I started a goal board I decided it helps for me to see where I am going…ny main goal is at the bottom…. Become a bad ass…the upper right corner is my priority list the bottom right…I how many day since my last hospital stay… I am going to do this the thing that makes me so sure that after years of trying (about 13) I am going to make it this time. Support!!! I have someone every day checking on me..ya know spread out the love!!
So I know most people mean actual bread but for me these days … I mean medications. And I know it is crazy but I have decided to do whatever it takes to get through this. And honestly I am a bit scared. What if this never ends? What if I never lose the weight?
I am 30 weeks into the process and still pretty fat.
I do want to scream at every person that isn’t hugely over weight… Get on the ball NOW!!! I am so jealous of people that can move with out pain pills. I know I just have to keep going. You know when you are growing up people tell you to strive for your dreams… Well, my dream is to be able to walk a mile without pain, and to one year NOT topping out my flexible spending for medical insurance! Although reaching the maximum out of pocket is kind of exciting… 100% medical paid… bring it on!!
Don’t mind me I am taking another step forward.