Tag Archives: new start

Dreaded Candy Bowl

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At work we have a candy bowl…. I pass it on my way into work every morning and it is HORRIBLE. The hardest thing to say no to right in my face every morning. And if I by chance make it passed with not eating any of the candy I think of it all day. Sugar really is addictive! And it tastes so good. So I am getting ready for the holiday season by not eating candy every day. I have made 2 days in a row with no candy from the candy bowl. My next goal….3 days hopefully I will get there next week but for now… I had a couple candy corns right after I took the pic lol

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One Year to the Date…

So a year ago was the worst day of my life. I had circumstances that were not ideal but that wasn’t the what put me over the edge. I knew things would get better I just didn’t want to wait for that time. So I made a plan… I was going to stop at a liquor store go home and down a bottle of pills with a bottle of booze. Thankfully I pulled over on the side of the road instead and called my counselor. She convinced me to drive to my friends house and we decided that I would go into the hospital. Now here I am a year later and I can’t say that I have always been happy to get through this but things are better now. I am so very thankful for the people that have gotten me through the last year, because I know that it takes a community.

Work it out

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So they want you workingout as much as possible. My gym is only open Monday thru Friday so I try to make it every day. My choice recumbent bike (the kind you look like you are sitting in a chair) such a great choice! I can even read a book while I bike. I have also started pulling in weights this week. The dedication I need blows me away. It is hard getting out there so much but I need to remember it will be worth it and maybe someday I will love it!

What Would You Eat???

I am coming up on my 6 weeks since surgery (Monday is the day) and the food restrictions come off!!! What would you eat? I am planning out my food for next week and I am getting excited. Top of the list is steak! I am thinking Chipolte steak taco (probably just one ūüėČ If I had all the money in the world it would be Texas Roadhouse! Ummmmmm Steak good stuff…

Also… Ice cream sundaes ummmmm ice cream

I am nervous about trying to figure out what to eat now. They have been great at telling me every step of the way so I am hoping that they give good advice and ideas. Also considering going to ¬†a support group for Sleevers to explore this new and wonderous world and so it begins….

Week 1

DSC02317I opted to stay with my grandmother for the first week after surgery. It¬† was a nice oasis and great to get away. I read 3 books and drank all my meals. It was a bit brutal when grandma would ask if I could eat different things, and I had to keep telling her NO. But I made it through the first week with just eating protein shakes and resting. My reward was I lost 12 pounds…

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These two photos are one week apart and I am so excited!! I went in for my one week appointment and they said I am healing well and things are going well. For the next two weeks I get to eat some foods…

– Refried Beans

– Greek Yogurt

– Egg Whites

– Sugar Free Pudding

– Cottage Cheese (which I don’t like)

But such sweet succulent  meals I feel like they are amazing!!

Hospital Stay

So this is about 2 weeks out from surgery and it is but a memory now. Day of was very long I got there early (with no food from like 6pm the night before) and had to wait ALL DAY LONG. I didn’t go in until about 4:30 in the evening. Needless to say I was starving and going stir crazy having been checked in to the hospital since 8:30 that morning. We (grandma and I) played cards and watched TV and got bored of both. Grandma ended up leaving an hour and a half before I went in (to avoid traffic and night time driving)

Going in for surgery is always interesting. These days they keep you awake as they wheel you into the operating room. I don’t know if this is supposed to give you a sense of comfort or if they just want you to move yourself to the operating table. Either way it is kind of eerie. After getting onto the operating table I don’t remember too much they hooked me up to a bunch of different machines and I was out.

The best part of waking up from the surgery was I had a pain drip, every 10 mins I could administer pain meds myself. Apparently the surgery went well (so everyone says) and I was up and walking just a few short hours after. I did have to take swallows for the contrast xrays (nasty stuff) but with no leaks I was able to start drinking. I got an ounce of water and an ounce of ice chips every hour. How lucky was I?!?!?!

I am pretty sure I started losing weight right away as I hadn’t eaten any kind of food for over 24 hours.

My best friend came to visit me in the hospital and helped me take my first unsteady steps. But I was walking in no time and talking on the phone with my mom; and by that point it was 11 at night.

The next morning I got to start “eating” or rather drinking clear protein shakes (still only once ounce at an hour) but it was like manna from heaven. They had me up and walking every couple hours, to keep away the blood clots. By noon I was quite antsy to leave and worked on getting dressed all by myself and taken care of. It was such a relief to get picked up by my roommate and I was so excited to be leaving with my clear protein, pain medicationDSC02319, and breathing apparatus.DSC02318

 

My Daily Bread

wpid-IMAG0244.jpgSo I know most people mean actual bread but for me these days ¬† … ¬† ¬†I mean medications. And I know it is crazy ¬†but I have decided to do whatever it takes to get through this. And honestly I am a bit scared. What if this never ends? What if I never lose the weight?

I am 30 weeks into the process and still pretty fat.

I do want to scream at every person that isn’t hugely over weight… Get on the ball NOW!!! I am so jealous of people that can move with out pain pills. I know I just have to keep going. You know when you are growing up people tell you to strive for your dreams… Well, my dream is to be able to walk a mile without pain, and to one year NOT topping out my flexible spending for medical insurance! Although reaching the maximum out of pocket is kind of exciting… 100% medical paid… bring it on!!

Don’t mind me I am taking another step forward.

Fat Girl Diary (FGD)….. It all Starts Here

You know when I see someone that is “larger than normal” I usually think (to myself) I hope I never¬† let myself get that big….¬†well here I stand at 300 lbs. I think the thing that works against me is i don’t “look” like I weigh that much. No one would guess my weight (I am seriously considering going to one of those places where they try to guess weight and age – cause I don’t look 37 either). But there it is the stark truth… I am fat!!! (and not in that I’m a skinny girl but think I am fat way….)

It starts with a decision to change. Some say this is the hardest step, but I have decided this so many times and unfortunately it usually ends with me in agony… sleeping a big chunk of the day. So I have started (again) this time with a little more support than normal and a determination to make it (VERY slowly). My goal… lose 70 lbs in 2 years. I wanted something attainable and not to make myself feel like a failure (which is usually what happens).

So then I started thinking…. how can I lose weight???? Oh and with no money cause I have no money… so videos that’s cheap! But you know what … they don’t have work out videos for “fat” girls. ¬†They have the token¬†chunky¬† girl and I suppose it is to¬†inspire¬† us to lose weight but show me a fat girl that can’t get anywhere near the movement and then maybe I will be able to work on it.

I also have trouble with the eating part of it!! My absolutely wonderful sister suggested I go vegan…¬†yeah right?!?!?!?! I couldn’t possibly go with out steak. But I have worked on cutting out fast food (this is huge!!) and I now count calories…. MyFitnessPal is freaking¬†amazing! So I am doing baby steps… to prove that I can… and to get over all the times I have seen those very frustrating quotes about how I can do things but just don’t … it’s a LIE (at least for me)

But my best friend through all of this is my pain meds… otherwise I wouldn’t be this far…. and so the battle continues… one day, one step at a time…

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It seems my body doesn’t want to be put into shape…so now I am living off of pain pills and icyhot. I had to remember that I am fat! Not in the I am a horrible person and gave no self esteem fat, just….I forgot to exercise for a few years and had some major injuries and now I am trying to recover, kind of fat. So I have to treat myself like I am fat. So baby steps….to start out 30 mins on a recumbent bike…and 5 mins on a treadmill…been good for 3 weeks in a row….headache
s and knee pain aside it is going well!!

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